


love me louder

by GhostWriter37



Category: the raven cycle
Genre: Feelings, First Kiss, M/M, Misunderstanding, Potty Mouths, losers in love, ronan dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:01:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4657092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostWriter37/pseuds/GhostWriter37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan dreams a lot of things these days, a lot of Adam things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love me louder

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friend from Instagram, whom I just started talking to but strangely enough don't yet know your name. We got very detailed in our discussions about Pynch, especially in Ronan's dreams about Adam, and you said I should write a fic. So, here we are. I hope you enjoy it, friend. Hopefully there will be more where this came from.

Light filtered through white cotton curtains from the slowly rising sun. It bathed the room in a soft glow, and put Ronan at ease. He could still feel Adam above him, hands gentle as the traced over the lines of his tattoo. He lay on his stomach, face stuffed into a pillow as Adam straddled his lower back, hands at work. Ronan wasn't sure what the fascination was, but when he had asked earlier Adam had muttered something about it "moving" and trailed off an "it's so..." before going quiet. Ronan didn't care. He felt safe, warm, a little guilty. Dream Adam, he was sure, wasn't the same as real Adam. At this point, as selfish as it was, he took what he could get. 

"Ronan," Adam started to say, fingers at the backs of his shoulders.

"Shut up, Parrish," Ronan cut in. The room held a sense of serenity, and Ronan felt words would only ruin it. They didn't need words. He turned over onto his back, reaching for Adam and pulling him closer, pressing his lips against Adam's gently before tugging him into his chest.

Adam tipped his head upwards, lips brushing the side of his neck as he spoke. "Ronan, wake up."

"I am awake. Shut up."

"Lynch!"

The dream world twisted away and he opened his eyes to the real Adam Parrish, hanging off the edge of the bed, one hand shaking his shoulder. He had a funny look on his face as he stared at Ronan.

"What? Eat something funny, Parrish?" Ronan muttered, still feeling a bit hazy, his limbs struggling out of sleep.

"You dream about me?" Adam asked, his fingers resting on Ronan's shoulder - right where his tattoo ended, for a moment longer than necessary before sitting up on the edge of the bed. His eyes were on the few black lines that crawled just above the collar of Ronan's muscle tee, a resigned look of fascination now painted across his features. Ronan hesitated, glancing out the window. It was still dark outside. "Ronan?"

"Yeah, Parrish. And you're just as annoying in my dreams as you are right now. Why the fuck did you feel like you needed to shake me awake at ass o'clock in the morning?" 

"You were talking."

"I was sleeping," Ronan said, but his heart rate picked up. What could he have been saying?

"You were talking in your sleep." Adam rolled his eyes but there was a furrow in his brows, and he looked like he was thinking about something. He absently swiped a finger over his bottom lip. Ronan had nothing to say, so he turned his back towards Adam and laid down again. "You said two things - 'shut up, Parrish,' and -"

"That's great, now shut up, Parrish. I know what I was saying, 'cause I was dreaming it. Go the fuck to sleep." Ronan pulled his blanket around him in a way that lessened the hardness of the floor and shut his eyes tight. He heard Adam sigh behind him.

"Why do you come here?" Adam tried a different approach. Ronan felt like Adam was trying to provoke him - but why? "You have a bed, your own room. You can sleep just fine there. You don't need to be here. You don't need me."

"Adam," Ronan growled warningly. He opened his eyes but stayed still. He heard Adams bed creaking and blankets shuffling, and then things went quiet. Ronan counted the seconds in his head until he lost count. He figured enough time had passed that Adam had fallen asleep again, so he whispered "I always need you," into the room like a confession.

\--

Ronan had always dreamed, but never like this. 

Tucked away in his bottom dresser drawer at Monmouth he had three dream pairs of Adam's coca cola tee shirt, two dream pairs of his grease stained jeans, and, embarrassingly enough, one dream pair of his gray boxers - one dream item for each day of the passing week. Ronan found he could hardly even look at Adam anymore. 

After the first two pairs of shirts he woke up clutching on Adam's floor, he stopped going, and instead slept at Momouth. He avoided Adam at all costs while trying to make it look like he wasn't avoiding Adam at all.

He sat in the church below Adam's little loft, as close as he dared to get at the moment. In the front pew, he bowed his head. Ronan felt like he had a lot to confess, but not to a priest. 

"Does it help, believing in Him?" Adam questioned softly. Something in the atmosphere of churches always made Adam feel like he had to be quiet and tread lightly. Nothing he wasn't used to, but after his past it made him a little uneasy. It put him on edge, waiting for a strike that wouldn't come. He clasped his hands together and rested his forearms on the back of the pew in front him, beside Ronan, looking up at the large cross mounted on the wall.

Ronan startled slightly, opening his eyes and turning his head to look back at Adam. He studied the boy for a moment, before turning his attention ahead of him. "Sometimes."

They sat in silence for awhile, Ronan keeping his eyes everywhere except Adam. Adam stared at the back of Ronan's neck, where his tattoo just poked out into sight. Slowly, Adam shifted and then said "Want to get out of here?"

Ronan's lips quirked. He hadn't known that avoiding Adam just made him want more until now. "You gonna take me back to yours, big boy?" He smirked, and any uneasy tension disappeared with Adam's snort.

"And for awhile, I thought you were avoiding me. Come on," Adam grinned, shaking his head and standing up. Ronan bit the inside of his cheek, realizing he hadn't been as suave as he thought while hiding from Adam for the past few days. Nonetheless, he followed Adam out the doors and climbed into the passenger seat of the Hondoyota. 

As Adam drove onto the highway and out of Henrietta, Ronan kept his eyes out the window. "Where are we going?" He asked, turning his attention to the glovebox, where he pulled out the mixtape he made for Adam and put it on.

"Don't know," Adam replied, reaching out and skipping the Murder Squash Song track, turning the volume down. 

Ronan could always tell when he was dreaming but now he wasn't so sure. He'd had a dream that went a lot like this, a road trip, just him and Adam. They stopped and made out in the back seat a lot and didn't come home for weeks. Ronan was pretty sure that wasn't how this was going to end.

They travelled in silence until Adam pulled onto a gravel side road and stopped. By now it was starting to get dark. Adam had a presence about him, which caught Ronan's attention. He seemed frustrated, unsure. He ran a hand through his hair and Ronan watched him.

"I can hear you."

"Well you're not completely deaf, Parrish. I know that," Ronan said in bewilderment. What the hell was Adam talking about?

"No, I mean I can -" Adam stopped, took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. He opened them suddenly and looked at Ronan. "You dream so damn loud, Lynch."

Ronan felt his heart drop into his stomach. "What the hell are you saying?"

"I'm saying I know. About your dreams. You dream about me a lot." A light pink dusted Adam's cheeks but Ronan went completely red. "Caebswater showed me. I didn't, I didn't mean to but I -"

Ronan didn't want to hear it. He got out of the Hondoyota and walked a ways down the gravel road before stopping in the middle of it and looking up at the sky. "Fuck," he said out loud. Adam knows. Caebswater showed him all of it, and now Adam brought him out here in the middle of nowhere to reject him. 

"Ronan!" A car door slammed and he slowly turned around. Adam stood in front of the Hondoyota, hands at his sides, unsure. "It's okay."

"It's not okay, Adam! What the fuck?" Thoughts raced through Ronan's head and embarrassment crept up his spine. It felt like he'd been punched. Just how much did Adam really know about his dreams? 

"The other night, when you were sleeping talking, the last thing you said was 'shut up, Parrish,' but before that," Adam hesitated.

"I don't want to hear it." 

Adam's face turned determined and Ronan knew then he wasn't going to stop until he said what he intended to. "Before that you said 'I think I'm in love with you, Adam.' And after I woke you up, when you thought I was asleep, you told me you always needed me. But I knew that before your dreams, Ronan. I knew how you felt before this."

Ronan took a deep breath, shaking his head. "Fuck off, Parrish. Go fuck with someone else."

"I'm not fucking with you, Ronan! I'm trying to tell you something but you're not listening! You never listen!"

"All I'm hearing now is a let down. Get it over with and go. 'I think we should keep our distance, Ronan.' 'We'll be friends for the sake of Gansey but I don't like you, Ronan.' Come on, Adam. Get angry. Tell me how wrong you think I am. How disgusting. Tell me to stay away. Tell me I'm no better than dirt. You want me to listen? Make me listen!" Ronan yelled the last part, anger bubbling inside of him. He clenched his fists, fighting off the feeling to throw up.

Adam's face flickered through several emotions: confusion, sadness, hurt, and then anger. He moved towards Ronan, grabbing the front of his shirt in his fists and giving a rough shake. Adam looked dangerous, and Ronan almost felt proud.

"You're so fucking stupid! Open your eyes, Lynch!" Adam took a breath and looked Ronan right in the eyes. "I need you too," Adam said softer, fingers loosening their hold on Ronan's shirt slightly. 

Ronan blinked, lips parting but no words coming out. This was not what he expected at all. 

"Do I have your attention now?" Adam leant in closer, watching Ronan. Watching him flicker through a plethora of different emotions, struggling to figure out what just happened.

"Adam," Ronan whispered, feeling suddenly breathless.

"I think I love you, too, idiot." Adam's lips curved into a small half smile, and he looked like he was waiting for something. He was, Ronan thought. The ball was in his court now, and Adam was giving him time to decide what to do it. Ronan blinked again, trying to make sure this wasn't a dream. He wasn't sure if he could handle another dream.

Adam reassured him. "It's not a dream," he murmured, leaning in closer yet. 

Ronan made a decision.

He closed the space between them and kissed Adam, curling his hands around Adam's hips and pulling him as close as he could get him. Adam set a hand on the back of Ronan's neck, wrapping his other arm around Ronan's shoulders.

"You," Ronan started to say against Adam's mouth, but he couldn't find the words.

"Me," Adam grinned, squeezing the back of Ronan's neck.

"I get to do that whenever I want now, right?"

"Do what?" Adam feigned innocence, and Ronan grinned, all sharp teeth in the dark despite kissing Adam again so gentle.

On the drive home, they stopped and made out in the backseat a lot, and Ronan even got away with singing along to half of the Murder Squash Song. He slept at Adam's, in Adam's bed, with Adam. He woke up to the sight of Adam's sleepy smile.

Not dream Adam -

real Adam.


End file.
